Part One
Definitions of bully on the Web:
· Strong-arm: be bossy towards; "Her big brother always bullied her when she was young"
· A cruel and brutal fellow
· browbeat: discourage or frighten with threats or a domineering manner; intimidate
· A hired thug
· A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people
· A hired ruffian; a thug
· A person who hurts, persecutes, or intimidates weaker people
· A blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people
Some bullies are looking for attention. They might think bullying is a way to be popular or to get what they want. Most bullies are trying to make themselves feel more important. When they pick on someone else, it can make them feel big and powerful.
Bullies often pick on someone they think they can have power over. They might pick on kids who get upset easily or who have trouble sticking up for themselves. Getting a big reaction out of someone can make bullies feel like they have the power they want. Sometimes bullies pick on someone who is smarter than they are or different from them in some way. Sometimes bullies just pick on a kid for no reason at all.
How to deal with a bully:
Don't give the bully a chance. As much as you can, avoid the bully. You can't go into hiding or skip class, of course. But if you can take a different route and avoid him or her, do so.
Stand tall and be brave. When you're scared of another person, you're probably not feeling your bravest. But sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully. How does a brave person look and act? Stand tall and you'll send the message: "Don't mess with me." It's easier to feel brave when you feel good about yourself. See the next tip!
Ignore the bully. If you can, try your best to ignore the bully's threats. Pretend you don't hear them and walk away quickly to a place of safety. Bullies want a big reaction to their teasing and meanness. Acting as if you don't notice and don't care is like giving no reaction at all, and this just might stop a bully's behavior.
Stand up for yourself. Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully "No! Stop it!" in a loud voice. Then walk away, or run if you have to. Kids also can stand up for each other by telling a bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, and then walk away together. If a bully wants you to do something that you don't want to do — say "no!" and walk away. If you do what a bully says to do, they will likely keep bullying you. Bullies tend to bully kids who don't stick up for themselves.
Don't bully back. Don't hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it's dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. You're also likely to get in trouble. It's best to stay with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
Don't show your feelings. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset? Try distracting yourself (counting backwards from 100, spelling the word 'turtle' backwards, etc.) to keep your mind occupied until you are out of the situation and somewhere safe where you can show your feelings.
It’s not your fault! As the victim of a bully you must remember that the way you are treated is not your fault. Unless you did something specifically to provoke the bully, you are being targeted for any number of reasons, none of which you have any control over.
Part Two
I dealt with a bully for many, many years. Nothing really physical, nothing really overt, but it was there every single time I saw him. Within minutes of seeing each other he began to throw out taunts and jabs, verbal assaults that were meant to hurt – there was no joking about any of this. The only time that he had any civility in his mouth for me was if he wanted something from me. And even then if it seemed like I was going to deny him what eh wanted the bullying would start. First, the chivying and heavy-handed demands, and then ending with derogatory and demeaning comments when I stood my ground and didn’t just give in to his demands. He was no friend of mine.
As I said, it was nothing really physical, and I’m pretty sure I would have come out on top if it had come to that, especially in the later years. Maybe not so much when I was younger or early teens, but I grew up and was physically more than a match for him had it turned that route. I am glad that it didn’t, however, for many reasons. He was no friend of mine.
Later in life, as the years went by, I learned a lot more about this bully and picked up a lot about what drove him and his actions. Verbally abusive and persuasive as he could be, even he avoided physical conflict. The demons that drove him were mostly his own private demons that he would inflict on others when he felt the pain of their existence. He was no friend of mine.
He wasn’t above being vindictive and I think he went there more so when he was feeling particularly foul. His moods would change like lightning, Affable and grandiose one minute, everybody’s friend – especially yours if he wanted something. A small, bitter man when he didn’t get his way, pouting and hurtful. If he had no direct offense he could draw on, he would create one or make derisive comments about your looks or how you dressed. He would make judgments about your hair, your weight, or whatever he could to make you feel smaller-than and to make him feel larger-than. He was no friend of mine.
Towards the end, in my defense and disgust, I did what I could to simply avoid him. That wasn’t always possible and at times I was merely civil, but I am proud that I never provoked him, neither did I cower and simply accept his derision. I could see when he was around me he had learned that maybe he ought to just leave me alone. He wasn’t getting the pleasure of direct assault, but from the comments he made to other people I deduced that he had decided a behind-the-back attack was the method to choose. As most bullies, when facing confrontation that they can neither control nor win, they go behind you and start with a smear campaign, making comments to others on “his” side, or at least not on your side. I doubt that unless he was fueled by the intoxicant of his choice, he would not have attempted to direct attack. And I suspect that even then, as vile as his comments, he would have held short of a physical assault. He was no friend of mine.
Oddly, in the beginning, I dreamed of being his friend. I really WANTED him to like me, to accept me. I thought well enough about him that I bragged about him to my friends. I admired him and attached myself to at least the image that I thought he was It wasn’t until later that I started to catch on to things he said. By then, I was growing into one of the versions of me that was maybe a little more aware of life. For years I still liked him, and wondered if he really meant what he was saying, more likely convincing myself that it was a joke. All things considered, he was no friend of mine.
He died recently. His life of excesses and the pollutants that he ingested caught up with him. He had years of self-induced health issues and regardless of whatever stories he told, whatever demons he created or fought, the issues he had to deal with were none of my creating. I can say that while I wasn’t his biggest fan, I wished him no ill. He had my pity, but nothing more. He wasn’t a target of mine; he wasn’t someone I hated. He was no friend of mine.
I spoke with his daughter via messaging after he passed and was only somewhat surprised to find that she was deeply offended that I couldn’t offer more than I could at his passing. She promptly lit into me with how he had dealt with things from his childhood that “haunted” him and that “it is no surprise that he had the troubles he had” from what he had to endure. Although she only mentioned one thing specifically, I suspect that he may have created others as well. And it’s amazing that he supposedly carried the grief of that one event through all the years, even when dealing face to face with that person that committed this supposed insult. The event of which I speak happened, quite literally. Years before I was even born! I had nothing to do with it but from our conversation I was given to understand that this catalyst was what drove this bully to bear down on me throughout the years. He was no friend of mine.
I have thought about this conversation for a couple of weeks now and still cannot see the connection wherein the fault lays at my feet. Were I to see this, I’m pretty sure I’d walk up to it, I have a tendency to take blame well and see no reason to hide from what I did, for good or ill. I am also pretty quick to admit that I am far from perfect, but my perfection, or lack thereof, is between God and me. No man gets to judge me least of all a bully. He was no friend of mine.
He was no friend of mine. He was my own brother. My family. For years I loved him. I loved him enough to use his name when I named my own son. And about that time was when I came to see that what I thought saw as humor was hate; what I thought I saw as acceptance was derision. What I thought I saw as love was loathing. He was no friend of mine.
I did not wish him ill, and merely avoided him as he did me in the later years. His daughter was unable to tell me exactly what I did to him to cause this hatred, what I didn’t do to alleviate his pain. She apparently has decided to pick up his torch and treat me with the same disdain he did all those years. Well, I didn’t cause her pain or create her demons either. I don’t judge either one of them but I also won’t purchase that particular piece of emotional baggage that I caused any of their pain.
I’ve created enough of my own, but I will deal with that on my own as well.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Is it entitlement or what?
Is it entitlement or what?
What is it with people lately? I am a volunteer instructor teaching classes that have a variety of students – different ages, from 9-10 year olds to adults of almost any age, male and female, and even physically challenged. My latest class has a couple of students that apparently have nut allergies. A applaud their mother who approached me prior to the start of class, except she took it too far. She proceeded to tell me that it was required of me to tell the rest of the class that nobody could eat any snacks in the classroom and would need to exit to the sales floor of the business which has been gracious enough to let me user their facility. I reminded her that this was a business and that I was not going to have the students take their breaks on a sales floor while they were trying to conduct business. She proceeded to tell me that it was required because of the severity of the allergy for her two children. I tried to mollify her by telling her that I would explain the situation to the class. I was in no way accepting the responsibility of her own children eating something they are allergic to.
I finally got the class underway and in the midst of the opening I observed this mother standing in the doorway and slowly sliding into the class. After she had sufficiently interrupted the class, I asked her if she had something to say and she stated “Well, I wasn’t going to interrupt, but since you offered…” and proceeded to instruct the class on how there were two “special” students with allergies severe enough that they had epi-pens with them at all times and that it was the “responsibility” of the rest of the students to protect her children.
Seriously?!?
I mean this lady was telling the class what the ingredients were in the snack machine and telling them what they could and could not eat. She was telling 34 other people to babysit her two children.
Personally, I would have thought her time would have been put to better use by teaching her two kids how to avoid the fending nuts in the first place and to behave under their own control rather than rely on strangers to mete out a little self control.
BTW, throughout the class people were eating peanut butter sandwiches, chips and cookies and neither child had an event. Neither did they attempt to eat someone else’s food.
I understand the concern. I can sympathize with the fear of the possible reaction. I don’t understand trying to put the onus of responsibility on complete strangers.
Additionally, why is it that friends and family decide that the only times they need to contact you are only if they need something or feel obligated to?
I had a pretty close friend several years ago. Close enough that most people knew that if they couldn’t find one of us, if they called the other we were probably together. We spent enough time together that we would practically finish each other’s sentences. We camped, hunted and fished together. We taught together and we were involved in Scouting together. We had fun.
A few years ago he stopped calling. Or rather, he stopped calling unless he needed something. He also stopped returning calls. I still hear from him or get text messages from him if he needs some information I can provide or if I can do something for him, but that’s about it.
Family?
It seems as though I’ve fallen into the same situation there. Lately, unless they feel obligated or need something, they all act the same way. And heaven forbid we should say no to something or not be able to just jump to perform. Plan a dinner and invite family and friends and the night before be told that everybody’s plans have changed. “No, we didn’t know how to tell you.”
And heaven forbid you should live farther away than other family. I mean, it might take five more minutes to drive to your house and that just isn’t convenient. Not even once a month, like we asked.
And somehow, I feel responsible for the whole thing. I’m not exactly sure what I have done to offend people en masse, but apparently I am damn good at it. If I post on a Twitter or Facebook thread, they die. Friends stop calling and family treat me like a pariah.
I guess this is where I am supposed to apologize, so here you go: I apologize. Whatever I did, I am sorry. I’m sorry you don’t like my convictions or where I stand on things or that I moved too far for your convenience.
Or that your kid has allergies.
That being said, Thanks for treating me like shit.
For those few who still aren't offended, thanks for being there when I needed it.
What is it with people lately? I am a volunteer instructor teaching classes that have a variety of students – different ages, from 9-10 year olds to adults of almost any age, male and female, and even physically challenged. My latest class has a couple of students that apparently have nut allergies. A applaud their mother who approached me prior to the start of class, except she took it too far. She proceeded to tell me that it was required of me to tell the rest of the class that nobody could eat any snacks in the classroom and would need to exit to the sales floor of the business which has been gracious enough to let me user their facility. I reminded her that this was a business and that I was not going to have the students take their breaks on a sales floor while they were trying to conduct business. She proceeded to tell me that it was required because of the severity of the allergy for her two children. I tried to mollify her by telling her that I would explain the situation to the class. I was in no way accepting the responsibility of her own children eating something they are allergic to.
I finally got the class underway and in the midst of the opening I observed this mother standing in the doorway and slowly sliding into the class. After she had sufficiently interrupted the class, I asked her if she had something to say and she stated “Well, I wasn’t going to interrupt, but since you offered…” and proceeded to instruct the class on how there were two “special” students with allergies severe enough that they had epi-pens with them at all times and that it was the “responsibility” of the rest of the students to protect her children.
Seriously?!?
I mean this lady was telling the class what the ingredients were in the snack machine and telling them what they could and could not eat. She was telling 34 other people to babysit her two children.
Personally, I would have thought her time would have been put to better use by teaching her two kids how to avoid the fending nuts in the first place and to behave under their own control rather than rely on strangers to mete out a little self control.
BTW, throughout the class people were eating peanut butter sandwiches, chips and cookies and neither child had an event. Neither did they attempt to eat someone else’s food.
I understand the concern. I can sympathize with the fear of the possible reaction. I don’t understand trying to put the onus of responsibility on complete strangers.
Additionally, why is it that friends and family decide that the only times they need to contact you are only if they need something or feel obligated to?
I had a pretty close friend several years ago. Close enough that most people knew that if they couldn’t find one of us, if they called the other we were probably together. We spent enough time together that we would practically finish each other’s sentences. We camped, hunted and fished together. We taught together and we were involved in Scouting together. We had fun.
A few years ago he stopped calling. Or rather, he stopped calling unless he needed something. He also stopped returning calls. I still hear from him or get text messages from him if he needs some information I can provide or if I can do something for him, but that’s about it.
Family?
It seems as though I’ve fallen into the same situation there. Lately, unless they feel obligated or need something, they all act the same way. And heaven forbid we should say no to something or not be able to just jump to perform. Plan a dinner and invite family and friends and the night before be told that everybody’s plans have changed. “No, we didn’t know how to tell you.”
And heaven forbid you should live farther away than other family. I mean, it might take five more minutes to drive to your house and that just isn’t convenient. Not even once a month, like we asked.
And somehow, I feel responsible for the whole thing. I’m not exactly sure what I have done to offend people en masse, but apparently I am damn good at it. If I post on a Twitter or Facebook thread, they die. Friends stop calling and family treat me like a pariah.
I guess this is where I am supposed to apologize, so here you go: I apologize. Whatever I did, I am sorry. I’m sorry you don’t like my convictions or where I stand on things or that I moved too far for your convenience.
Or that your kid has allergies.
That being said, Thanks for treating me like shit.
For those few who still aren't offended, thanks for being there when I needed it.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Patience is a virtue.
I am a patient man.
I. Am. A. Patient. Man.
Do not think for an instant that because I don't jump to defend myself that what you are doing is correct or right, or that you are getting away with your actions. I will, however, defend others that you are attacking, especially those that deserve my protection, those to whom I owe this protection.
Over the next few days, I expect that some things will transpire that will bring some of your own activities to light. When that happens, I will not gloat. I won't be elated neither will I feel any form of deep satisfaction. I hope to feel relief. As a matter of fact, I expect that I will be the first person blamed for any form or corrective action that you receive. I have no doubt that you will have enough friends believing that some how I did this to you. Luckily, there are those that will know the truth.
There are still enough people around that remember what you tried to do last time we dealt with this. I'm pretty sure that the memories won't help your argument.
Can I ask one thing - why do you hate me so? Why do you feel so much anger towards me? Is it merely insecurity? Have I ever said one thing to make you feel this way? Is it really me or do you hate someone else that I represent? Is it my hair color, my weight, or simply because I am male? What drives you to feel like this?
Sadly, I have even looked at it as if I might really be at fault. Maybe it was something I said or did that brought these feelings on. But there have been a lot of years go by that you have acted this way and maybe your life would benefit if you matured enough to act like an adult about whatever it is.
This being said, tomorrow begins the next (and last, I hope) chapter of this face-off. Something has to change. Something has to be done to improve the situation.
I. Am. A. Patient. Man.
Do not think for an instant that because I don't jump to defend myself that what you are doing is correct or right, or that you are getting away with your actions. I will, however, defend others that you are attacking, especially those that deserve my protection, those to whom I owe this protection.
Over the next few days, I expect that some things will transpire that will bring some of your own activities to light. When that happens, I will not gloat. I won't be elated neither will I feel any form of deep satisfaction. I hope to feel relief. As a matter of fact, I expect that I will be the first person blamed for any form or corrective action that you receive. I have no doubt that you will have enough friends believing that some how I did this to you. Luckily, there are those that will know the truth.
There are still enough people around that remember what you tried to do last time we dealt with this. I'm pretty sure that the memories won't help your argument.
Can I ask one thing - why do you hate me so? Why do you feel so much anger towards me? Is it merely insecurity? Have I ever said one thing to make you feel this way? Is it really me or do you hate someone else that I represent? Is it my hair color, my weight, or simply because I am male? What drives you to feel like this?
Sadly, I have even looked at it as if I might really be at fault. Maybe it was something I said or did that brought these feelings on. But there have been a lot of years go by that you have acted this way and maybe your life would benefit if you matured enough to act like an adult about whatever it is.
This being said, tomorrow begins the next (and last, I hope) chapter of this face-off. Something has to change. Something has to be done to improve the situation.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Phases and Stages
I've been watching the leaves since they began changing a few weeks ago. The view from my back door allows me to see across a small hollow and the trees and bushes are are all flaunting their finery. Apparently, the local fauna have decided that it's time to make an appearance as well. There have been V formations of geese flying and circling overhead and the other night there were three yearling does from the local deer herd that stopped and stared as I drove past them on a street below my house. Another sign is that I have what appears to be millions of acorns in my driveway. Supposedly, some acorns are edible, but I don't know if the ones off my trees are the kind that are and I'm not so adventuresome that I want to use my own self for testing. I do have some candidates in mind, however.
I also have seen some changes and alterations in friendships. I've reconnected with some friends lately that I haven't spoken with for a while and I'd like to think they are enjoying it as much as I. One friend, Kathy, grew up just down the street and started being more a friend of my sister, then we phased into school friends which was followed by morphing into acquaintances. I recently asked friends if social networking friends were "real" or just "tech" friends and was pleased to hear form Kathy that she felt we are "real" friends while another friend was truthful enough to admit that they felt that these friendships were "light compared to "in-person" friendships. I'm glad that Kathy and I have progressed to that stage. And I also wonder if maybe the anonymity of social media allows us to maybe be more forthcoming with personal "stuff" (technical term...) in turn getting us electronically closer to each other.
Another phase currently in change is happening at work. A few years ago there were things going on that were less than ideal. Things were happening that were making my life, and a few others as well, pretty miserable. I was patient, and I worked things through and was able to use channels to fix the problem without a lot of cost and without a lot of hurt feelings. Some hurt feelings, but not a lot. Things got better and then even better. Phases and stages.
Recently, however, some things are going on that are reminding me of a darker time. A time that I was hoping not to go back to. Things that are escalating to an almost insane level. Circles and cycles.
But I am a patient man. And, being a patient man, I know that there will soon come a time when things will improve. Possibly drastically. Maybe, if I am lucky, dramatically. But I am also thinking permanently.
My friends, I want to thank you being, well, my friends. I want to thank you for being there, and for sharing a little of your lives with me. You have helped to make some dark parts of my own existence a little less daunting, and a lot more warm.
Thank you once again, with all my heart.
I also have seen some changes and alterations in friendships. I've reconnected with some friends lately that I haven't spoken with for a while and I'd like to think they are enjoying it as much as I. One friend, Kathy, grew up just down the street and started being more a friend of my sister, then we phased into school friends which was followed by morphing into acquaintances. I recently asked friends if social networking friends were "real" or just "tech" friends and was pleased to hear form Kathy that she felt we are "real" friends while another friend was truthful enough to admit that they felt that these friendships were "light compared to "in-person" friendships. I'm glad that Kathy and I have progressed to that stage. And I also wonder if maybe the anonymity of social media allows us to maybe be more forthcoming with personal "stuff" (technical term...) in turn getting us electronically closer to each other.
Another phase currently in change is happening at work. A few years ago there were things going on that were less than ideal. Things were happening that were making my life, and a few others as well, pretty miserable. I was patient, and I worked things through and was able to use channels to fix the problem without a lot of cost and without a lot of hurt feelings. Some hurt feelings, but not a lot. Things got better and then even better. Phases and stages.
Recently, however, some things are going on that are reminding me of a darker time. A time that I was hoping not to go back to. Things that are escalating to an almost insane level. Circles and cycles.
But I am a patient man. And, being a patient man, I know that there will soon come a time when things will improve. Possibly drastically. Maybe, if I am lucky, dramatically. But I am also thinking permanently.
My friends, I want to thank you being, well, my friends. I want to thank you for being there, and for sharing a little of your lives with me. You have helped to make some dark parts of my own existence a little less daunting, and a lot more warm.
Thank you once again, with all my heart.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
"Tech" friends vs. "Real" friends
Technology is an amazing thing. Each new development makes the world smaller. Radio, gave people a means to reach out to others, a way to share ideas. Radio operators on ships and in the armed forces would take the opportunities to "meet" friends and exchange news, play chess and share recipes.
15 years ago email was in its infancy. Computers were nowhere near as available as they are now. Cell phones were called "bricks" and we all clamored for them, we all were reaching out. User groups and forums were starting. The Internet was building momentum and "networking" was becoming vogue.
AOL and other applications were becoming more and more popular. People were, again, reaching out just as they did in every community they ever lived in. From villages and farmsteads, to townships and on up the food chain, people have always looked to their neighbors, looked beyond their boundaries. Technology has given us more and more opportunities to do so more conveniently than ever before.
Through Facebook and other networking sites (AOL, MySpace, Twitter, Linkd) people are finding it possible to connect, reconnect and create relationships with people from all over the world. Through one group I've been able to reunite with friends from the small town where I grew up, friends from school and even family members from all around the country.
With another forum I attend online, I've made friends literally around the world. It's a group of motorcycle riders that has become a virtual family. We reach out through pain and sorrow, through illness and death, and through life, through love and through happiness. This family, most of whom have never met face to face, has come together to help make repairs of homes, computers and bikes; come together when one was in a crash and nearly died, when one lost a spouse to cancer, and when some have lost pets.
One example is that when one of the group had a bike that was his only source of transportation stolen and didn't know what to do, we all came together and chipped in and bought him another bike. Not a new one, but one that was 100%. A motorcycle. A Goldwing motorcycle. Not all friends will do that. Not all family will do that.
The kids I went to high school with? We can't even seem to get together for lunch one day, let alone go out of our way to make a major difference in our lives. I drove from Layton to SLC to pick up a motorcycle part, then delivered it to Pocatello with a "thank you" as my reward. It was enough.
On another side, I have a twin sister and we went for about 16 years without speaking. No cards, no calls, no contact. Not a lot of friendship. I know that my family isn't typical, but neither are my friends.
Then again, with the changes in technology, maybe they are.
15 years ago email was in its infancy. Computers were nowhere near as available as they are now. Cell phones were called "bricks" and we all clamored for them, we all were reaching out. User groups and forums were starting. The Internet was building momentum and "networking" was becoming vogue.
AOL and other applications were becoming more and more popular. People were, again, reaching out just as they did in every community they ever lived in. From villages and farmsteads, to townships and on up the food chain, people have always looked to their neighbors, looked beyond their boundaries. Technology has given us more and more opportunities to do so more conveniently than ever before.
Through Facebook and other networking sites (AOL, MySpace, Twitter, Linkd) people are finding it possible to connect, reconnect and create relationships with people from all over the world. Through one group I've been able to reunite with friends from the small town where I grew up, friends from school and even family members from all around the country.
With another forum I attend online, I've made friends literally around the world. It's a group of motorcycle riders that has become a virtual family. We reach out through pain and sorrow, through illness and death, and through life, through love and through happiness. This family, most of whom have never met face to face, has come together to help make repairs of homes, computers and bikes; come together when one was in a crash and nearly died, when one lost a spouse to cancer, and when some have lost pets.
One example is that when one of the group had a bike that was his only source of transportation stolen and didn't know what to do, we all came together and chipped in and bought him another bike. Not a new one, but one that was 100%. A motorcycle. A Goldwing motorcycle. Not all friends will do that. Not all family will do that.
The kids I went to high school with? We can't even seem to get together for lunch one day, let alone go out of our way to make a major difference in our lives. I drove from Layton to SLC to pick up a motorcycle part, then delivered it to Pocatello with a "thank you" as my reward. It was enough.
On another side, I have a twin sister and we went for about 16 years without speaking. No cards, no calls, no contact. Not a lot of friendship. I know that my family isn't typical, but neither are my friends.
Then again, with the changes in technology, maybe they are.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Remembering
What an odd day. I've wanted to post something here about remembering that day not so many years ago when we were jolted from our security. Do you remember where you were? Are we going to play this game that was played with the Kennedy assassinations or John Lennon's murder? Of course we are, it's human nature to relate an event or a time or memory, to associate it with something and personalize it to set it in memory.
I remember where I was. I was teaching a Baseline Class at work. Bill, a friend of mine, was attending. Two co-workers, Joyce and Ed, were watching things transpire on a TV in a conference room and we kept turning the TV in the training room on during breaks. What a long, long day. After work I helped another friend, Ken, with a class at a shooting range.
Driving home I saw a most heart-rending site - a lone figure was standing on one of the freeway overpasses in Morgan holding a US flag. Simply, heartbreakingly and peacefully, standing there, silhouetted in the sunset.
All day long I had felt anger and frustration. All day long I wanted to strike back, to exact my own toll against those who perpetrated this upon our soil. But seeing that lone flag bearer, lighted from behind with the the dying rays of the days sun, I suddenly was more focused and more my anger was tempered with sorrow. Anger would return, but just then I felt sorrow for those many people who lost friends and family in this tragedy.
While I lost no family of mine, I did lose some acquaintances and people with whom I worked. This was driven home later while at a conference and talking about this attack with some FBI trainers. They were commenting on one of the assignments they had in New York following the attack and mentioned one of the men working on the phones and communications lines they used. They stated that he was always there. He was there in the morning and there at night and never seemed to go home.
When he was asked about it, he bluntly stated that he was the only person in his office in the North Tower that wasn't killed in the attack. Some happenstance had kept him delayed from getting to the office on time that morning and his entire floor was destroyed killing every other person in his office. He alone survived and the guilt that he felt for that drove him to service. He needed to work, he needed to expiate this guilt for not dying with his co-workers by serving those who worked to investigate this tragedy.
This was something that was seen all across our country. Suddenly, people were coming out to enlist. Our military experienced a growth curve as did our police and fire departments. People, just everyday, ordinary people where volunteering to help others. The crime rate dropped, violence dropped, and people cared for each other again. I hadn't seen people care like this since the early '70s. People simply cared.
Since that time, however, there has been a slow decline back to the status of pre-9/11. People have returned to the "what's-in-it-for-me" attitude, the feeling of watching out solely for one's self rather than a "we're-all-in-this-together" attitude.
I beg, I implore, I seek or WHATEVER works with you, care for others. Care for each other. Care for yourself and your family, certainly, and care for your friends. But care also for those in need. Care for those that are alone. Don't be afraid to take a minute and remember those who serve and protect the freedoms we so freely enjoy.
Remember the men and women in our armed services, those who fight daily in their police, fire and EMS duties to protect and provide these freedoms for us. Don't forget the police, fire and EMS workers that rushed in while others were rushing out. The ones that knew they weren't coming out yet still sacrificed in an attempt to save as many people as they could.
And while you're busy not forgetting, how about we not forget to offer them our thanks when we get the chance. Sadly, I don't think that we're through with this battle, I am afraid that we will once again have visited upon our land another attack on this great country. I hope we're ready this next time.
And I hope we learn from these attacks that we truly are a great people living in a great land.
I remember where I was. I was teaching a Baseline Class at work. Bill, a friend of mine, was attending. Two co-workers, Joyce and Ed, were watching things transpire on a TV in a conference room and we kept turning the TV in the training room on during breaks. What a long, long day. After work I helped another friend, Ken, with a class at a shooting range.
Driving home I saw a most heart-rending site - a lone figure was standing on one of the freeway overpasses in Morgan holding a US flag. Simply, heartbreakingly and peacefully, standing there, silhouetted in the sunset.
All day long I had felt anger and frustration. All day long I wanted to strike back, to exact my own toll against those who perpetrated this upon our soil. But seeing that lone flag bearer, lighted from behind with the the dying rays of the days sun, I suddenly was more focused and more my anger was tempered with sorrow. Anger would return, but just then I felt sorrow for those many people who lost friends and family in this tragedy.
While I lost no family of mine, I did lose some acquaintances and people with whom I worked. This was driven home later while at a conference and talking about this attack with some FBI trainers. They were commenting on one of the assignments they had in New York following the attack and mentioned one of the men working on the phones and communications lines they used. They stated that he was always there. He was there in the morning and there at night and never seemed to go home.
When he was asked about it, he bluntly stated that he was the only person in his office in the North Tower that wasn't killed in the attack. Some happenstance had kept him delayed from getting to the office on time that morning and his entire floor was destroyed killing every other person in his office. He alone survived and the guilt that he felt for that drove him to service. He needed to work, he needed to expiate this guilt for not dying with his co-workers by serving those who worked to investigate this tragedy.
This was something that was seen all across our country. Suddenly, people were coming out to enlist. Our military experienced a growth curve as did our police and fire departments. People, just everyday, ordinary people where volunteering to help others. The crime rate dropped, violence dropped, and people cared for each other again. I hadn't seen people care like this since the early '70s. People simply cared.
Since that time, however, there has been a slow decline back to the status of pre-9/11. People have returned to the "what's-in-it-for-me" attitude, the feeling of watching out solely for one's self rather than a "we're-all-in-this-together" attitude.
I beg, I implore, I seek or WHATEVER works with you, care for others. Care for each other. Care for yourself and your family, certainly, and care for your friends. But care also for those in need. Care for those that are alone. Don't be afraid to take a minute and remember those who serve and protect the freedoms we so freely enjoy.
Remember the men and women in our armed services, those who fight daily in their police, fire and EMS duties to protect and provide these freedoms for us. Don't forget the police, fire and EMS workers that rushed in while others were rushing out. The ones that knew they weren't coming out yet still sacrificed in an attempt to save as many people as they could.
And while you're busy not forgetting, how about we not forget to offer them our thanks when we get the chance. Sadly, I don't think that we're through with this battle, I am afraid that we will once again have visited upon our land another attack on this great country. I hope we're ready this next time.
And I hope we learn from these attacks that we truly are a great people living in a great land.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Family reunion
This afternoon I went to a family reunion. It was an interesting event - unscheduled and unplanned, I wasn't even expecting to be there. I got to talk with my dad and we were talking about some email we had exchanged. Mom was there but didn't say much, just kind of quiet and smiling. Uncle Ron, mom's brother, was there laughing his huge laugh that I remember so well and holding hands with Aunt Geneil (dad's sister) who was laughing with him.
My sister Sam was around, but again, most of what I remember is her laughter. It's such a good thing that most of my family memories are full of laughter. She chuckled as she walked past, scratching my dog under the chin and teasing me for holding him so close and tight. I was watching my daughter's children as she was playing with them over by the window. Doug and Emma were in some kind of battle which isn't new. DJ was building something.
I can remember the smells of the food - our family events always had laughter and food. I remember wondering where Jeff was because I could hear him somewhere. I always wanted to have Jeff as a brother as I didn't always get along with my two sisters. Jeff and I didn't always get along either, but it we always had fun together.
Javert, my dog, put his head on my shoulder and I remember hearing some kind of beeping or horn and thinking that it sounded odd, like it didn't belong. Then the electronic sound of something like coins dropping into a glass, maybe ice cubes? Then I recognized it as Kerry playing some game on her computer and slowly realization started to slip in.
As wonderful as my reunion was, I began to realize that it was just a dream. Dad died in '89, mom last year. Sam several years ago and Geneil back in the early '80s. I'm not sure what it means that I had both family that has passed away already and family still living with me.
I don't read much into dreams, although I love to have them. I usually dream very vividly, very graphically. I tend to smell scents and odors and can feel and touch in my dreams. And as I rose from the bliss of sleep and dreams, the smells of the food waning and the sounds fading, the laughter slowly growing quiet, I was left with the feeling of peace and warmth as the last of the dream left to me.
I miss them all, each of them. I am thankful for the memories that I have and remorseful of those that I missed. I wish I had been able to spend more time with the family although it seems like this family has a hard time getting together. Everybody wants to, but these plans never seem to come to fruition. I'm as bad as any other.
I am thankful for the opportunity that I have had the past couple of years to re-unite with some of my extended family, and friends as well, and have been blessed with renewing these relations. I can only hope that I provide something in kind back to each of them.
My sister Sam was around, but again, most of what I remember is her laughter. It's such a good thing that most of my family memories are full of laughter. She chuckled as she walked past, scratching my dog under the chin and teasing me for holding him so close and tight. I was watching my daughter's children as she was playing with them over by the window. Doug and Emma were in some kind of battle which isn't new. DJ was building something.
I can remember the smells of the food - our family events always had laughter and food. I remember wondering where Jeff was because I could hear him somewhere. I always wanted to have Jeff as a brother as I didn't always get along with my two sisters. Jeff and I didn't always get along either, but it we always had fun together.
Javert, my dog, put his head on my shoulder and I remember hearing some kind of beeping or horn and thinking that it sounded odd, like it didn't belong. Then the electronic sound of something like coins dropping into a glass, maybe ice cubes? Then I recognized it as Kerry playing some game on her computer and slowly realization started to slip in.
As wonderful as my reunion was, I began to realize that it was just a dream. Dad died in '89, mom last year. Sam several years ago and Geneil back in the early '80s. I'm not sure what it means that I had both family that has passed away already and family still living with me.
I don't read much into dreams, although I love to have them. I usually dream very vividly, very graphically. I tend to smell scents and odors and can feel and touch in my dreams. And as I rose from the bliss of sleep and dreams, the smells of the food waning and the sounds fading, the laughter slowly growing quiet, I was left with the feeling of peace and warmth as the last of the dream left to me.
I miss them all, each of them. I am thankful for the memories that I have and remorseful of those that I missed. I wish I had been able to spend more time with the family although it seems like this family has a hard time getting together. Everybody wants to, but these plans never seem to come to fruition. I'm as bad as any other.
I am thankful for the opportunity that I have had the past couple of years to re-unite with some of my extended family, and friends as well, and have been blessed with renewing these relations. I can only hope that I provide something in kind back to each of them.
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