Voices From The Past

Many times in an investigation, witness testimony is, while important, sometimes

taken with a grain of salt. The adage is “There are three sides to every story: Your

truth, My truth, and the REAL truth. I have heard so many stories about me that

were hand-on-a-bible/swear to God, the gods, or The Great Spirit truth that were

just that – stories. Friends, mostly former friends now, co-workers, bosses, and the

hardest cut of all, family, have fabricated their versions of truth about me.

For the most part, I really do not care. Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but whips and chains excite me. Or something like that. The only time that it

bothers me overmuch is when someone is trying to cause me harm by their

words. I have walked away from all of the above, friends, employment, and

family to protect myself. I will do so again.

The past few days I have been blessed to be able to speak with someone who shares

a lot of history with me. It has been wonderful. It has been cathartic for me, and I hope

for them as well. There has been much laughter, some tears, and a fair amount of anger. 

Comparing our two truths, we have been able to piece together a lot of the “story” that

is closer to the real truth than what others have voiced, much to our collective relief.

There have been many questions answered. There have been many revelations and realizations.

Now, she does not have any shared history with any of my friends, nor my co-workers,

but there is a treasure of shared history with family. Obviously, this was where our focus

has been. We both laughed when we commented that there were a lot of family that

wanted nothing to do with us (often with blatant hostility) and were only “nice” (read

that as courteous or polite) when they wanted or needed something from us. And since

we have both outlived so many of our family members, the ones that are left have no

issue with assigning their hatred and anger with other family members to us. It is almost

as though the ones that have died slighted them once again by not living to be a target

for their feelings.

Blame it on the living, the dead do not care.

As more parts of the cartoon are colored, the picture is more clear. Regarding the laughter,

tears, and anger I mentioned previously, a lot of very ugly truths came to light. The amount

of mental and sexual abuse, along with the neglect and reckless endangerment that

happened of the decades is disgusting. The alcohol and drug abuse that has plagued this

family is abhorrent. The fact that this was all allowed to continue that long is shameful.

Generations have been drawn into all of this. I still have many questions.

She believes she has grown past what happened to her (and so many others) and is

getting stronger every day. She is happy now, and getting happier each day. She also

struggles each day. The trauma, the PTSD, the anger, and the hurt, drag on a person.

She is a better person than she has any right to be. 

I, however, am still not a good person, although I try. I try every day. I still fail every day, but

I try every day. 

I was asked for advice recently regarding raising kids. I was asked how you raise them, how

to be a good parent. My answer was “Teach them kindness and courtesy. Teach them to

think of others and to not be hurtful or mean. Do not bully. Teach them that if you are going to

do something, do it right.” If you teach people these things and they choose to be a lesser

person, at least you taught them what they should be. Anything after that is on them.

So I Just Stopped

 Everybody knows the old saw: “Opinions are like assholes - everybody has one and they all stink.” I do not know whether they all stink, but everybody has, or rather should have their own opinion. My only strong feeling on opinions is that they should be fact-based and it should be understood that just because another person has an opinion different from yours, it is every bit as valid as yours.

It is a given that your opinion will reflect your values. It is also recognized that people’s values differ. And, just because values differ, does not necessarily make them wrong. Wrong comes in when the opinion goes against facts, or is harmful to another person. Not that your opinion is that their opinion is wrong, but that their opinion is based on false information or unable to be substantiated by facts. Facts, rather than emotions.

My first example is that Pedofiles or “Minor Attracted People” are not harming children and “young children are mature enough to make their own decision regarding sex.” And yet there are so many anti-drug and anti-alcohol programs and campaigns instructing parents to start teaching their kids about the harm of these substances as early as nine years old. “A child’s brain is still developing,” and “Using alcohol and drugs while their brain is still developing instills addictive behavior.” The correlation is that since a child is not mature enough to handle decisions regarding the safe use of alcohol and drugs, they probably are not mature enough to make decisions regarding sexual intercourse or life-altering body modifications. They need to be mature enough to make those decisions.

My next example is alcohol use in general. Approximately 88,000 Americans die from alcohol-attributed causes each year, making alcohol the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States. An estimated 2.1 million people ages 12 or older had an opioid use disorder, and nearly 30 percent of those who use marijuana may have some degree of marijuana use disorder. By comparison, guns are far less dangerous. The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence reports less than 33,000 people die each year from gun violence, and of those, nearly 20,000 are suicides. That means alcohol is more than twice as deadly as guns in the United States and 650 percent more deadly if suicides are excluded from the comparison. 

Looking at these facts, would it not be more productive to combat the use of alcohol instead of guns? Would it not make a bigger difference to align prevention efforts towards something that is so much more deadly, that has such a larger detrimental impact on society? Some say the reason these alcohol regulations don’t exist is because only a fraction of the hundreds of millions of people who have consumed alcohol in the United States have actually broken other laws while doing so, but that claim isn’t consistent either; even fewer of the 80 million gun-owning Americans have committed crimes linked to using guns.

Now, I chose those two examples because I wanted examples that people seem to have a very strong opinion regarding them. Very few people do not have an opinion on these topics. However, many of these opinions are based on emotions rather than facts. Look at facts on which to base your opinions.

This is an awfully long and roundabout way to get to the topic at hand. Everybody has opinions and is free to express them. I can say whatever I want and as long as it is true (fact-based) and not harmful or criminal, it is valid whether or not you agree. 

The past several years, opinions have been shared by everybody, and the hardest part to accept with them is one of “if your opinion is different from mine, you are automatically wrong and have no right to say what you did.” This belief is sometimes imposed with vehemence and even violence. “We need to get everybody to agree with us, even if we have to destroy cities, even if we have to burn things to the ground!” (This from a very prominent Democratic politician.) 

There are several people that believe their opinions are better than yours for various spurious reasons:

• They are an actor or musician

• They are a sports figure

• They are of any specific race

• By the way, you are NOT automatically racist just because you are white

• They are offended by:

• The way someone speaks

• The color of someone’s hair

• They have been divorced

• They are religious or belong to a certain faith

Now, to the meat and potatoes. I used to post on social media quite frequently. I had accounts on several platforms, and had interactions with people from all sides of the political spectrum, people from all over this country and others, and both sexes. My sense of humor is not for everybody, but I cannot think of a time that someone was deeply offended by a humorous post I made.

What offended some people was when I had an opinion. My opinion was different from theirs. And in truth, there were only a couple of people who made a negative comment. There were times when I had discussions with others regarding my posts, but if you can support your opinion with facts, it may be coming from an emotional topic, but not based on emotions. 

I had an opinion.

I heard “Oh, come on!” and “You can’t seriously believe that crap!” and “Maybe you should just back down a little.” I guess if someone does not like your opinion and does not want to hear you speak it, it is invalid as well.

So I stopped posting. I am still present on these platforms, lurking, but I no longer have an opinion. I no longer have a valid opinion. I was offensive. I was saying things they did not like, so I must stop.

Just another statue torn down, another book burned, another name changed. Another voice silenced. 

I just stopped.