A line I read just recently was "You can tell how loved you were by who remembers you after you are gone and how they remember you."
I have a hard time thinking that anybody will remember me. I have never done anything so significant that anybody would attach my name to it. There will be no statue, no memorial. Hell, I do not even want a funeral. I get told that the funeral is not for the dead but for the living. I have been to my fair share of funerals and to tell the truth, not many of them made me feel that I needed that moment of reflection. Too often the people that were talking at the funeral were saying things that others wanted to hear rather than what they felt in the real world.
I have heard people say the most horrific things about a person (behind their back, of course) only to spew love and kindness about them at a funeral with an audience. If you are going to say something about me, dead or alive, it damn well better be true. Good or bad, do not speak falsely about me. Trust me, people will believe the bad more quickly than the good. Also, the bad probably carries a lot more truth in it.
Another indicator is how quickly and completely your are minimized. I know it goes both ways, but it never ceases to amaze me how rarely people will invite you into their lives. It might just be for a bite of food or a ride or even just to sit and talk. You know that you are forgotten when the actual get-together turns into the hollow "Let's get together sometime" that never happens.
As I said, it does go both ways and I meant it. I just get tired of making the attempts and getting a literal or figurative busy signal. Another line I frequently see is "If they wanted to, they would." Well, the do not.
Once in a while I am surprised by who actually does remember me. A co-worker recently was asked by one of his neighbors if I still worked here. Now, this neighbor is a current state representative with whom I worked over the years. Our paths crossed although mostly in the margins. And yet, I must have had some small impact for him to remember my name. Debate is open for whether it was a positive or negative memory.
