Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Thanks for reminding me.
I am sure that you have noticed that I've been writing more. I am trying to be a more productive blogger and be more regular with my entries. One of my blogging idols recently finished a blog-a-day year and while I don't know if I can compete with that, I am going to attempt to at least be more regular with my entries.
Another reason I want to do this is that I received a call at work from a friend and at the end of the call, bless her, she took the time to compliment me on my writings and suggested that I keep writing. To you, C, I owe at least part of this increase in my efforts.
And, I owe you my thanks. Too many times people think nice things, but not often say them and that's just wrong. I've known C for many years; we have worked together and she's always had nothing but kindness to share. She's that type of person.
Another person I would like to thank is J. (Yes, I know I am leaving out their names. Privacy is something I won't steal from them.) I've known J since we were in elementary school together, which translates to a long time. I am a lot older, but J hasn't aged nearly as much as I have. Thanks to social media and the blessings of reuniting with friends and family. J and I shared a few words one night discussing some of the unpleasantness in our lives. The support she shared was a beautiful surprise and, quite literally, warmed my heart and spirit.
I don't know who I write for, maybe just for myself. I see by my page views that spreading the word out on Facebook and Twitter is working. I guess I'll see what happens. If the readership continues, then maybe there really is some value to this other than me stretching my fingers on the keyboard.
Another reason I want to do this is that I received a call at work from a friend and at the end of the call, bless her, she took the time to compliment me on my writings and suggested that I keep writing. To you, C, I owe at least part of this increase in my efforts.
And, I owe you my thanks. Too many times people think nice things, but not often say them and that's just wrong. I've known C for many years; we have worked together and she's always had nothing but kindness to share. She's that type of person.
Another person I would like to thank is J. (Yes, I know I am leaving out their names. Privacy is something I won't steal from them.) I've known J since we were in elementary school together, which translates to a long time. I am a lot older, but J hasn't aged nearly as much as I have. Thanks to social media and the blessings of reuniting with friends and family. J and I shared a few words one night discussing some of the unpleasantness in our lives. The support she shared was a beautiful surprise and, quite literally, warmed my heart and spirit.
I don't know who I write for, maybe just for myself. I see by my page views that spreading the word out on Facebook and Twitter is working. I guess I'll see what happens. If the readership continues, then maybe there really is some value to this other than me stretching my fingers on the keyboard.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Unrequited
Unrequited: adjective. 1. not returned or reciprocated; 2. not avenged or retaliated.
Love? Promises? Some form of misdeed?
Which side have you found yourself on - the unrequited or the non-requiter? Do you love someone that doesn't love you back? Are there promises that you have made that you failed to follow through with? What foul occurrence or wrong have you witnessed that you did nothing to repair?
Love is easy. Or rather, shared love is easy. When love is shared then two people will do anything for each other. Two people in love can overcome all obstacles. You give to each other, you share with each other and you protect and defend each other. You make life easier for each other. You comfort each other.
Unrequited love is not so easy. You do little things for the other person and if they recognize it, you might get thanked. They mean the thanks, but it isn't the same as if they love you in return. As a matter of fact, if they do recognize it, they are probably more than a little uncomfortable about it. They will minimize it to prevent acknowledging or encouraging behavior they will not or cannot return. Your defense is that you also openly minimize it to hide the pain you feel. Privately, you hurt very deeply.
Promises are easily given and too often defaulted on. "I promise that I'll bring you lunch" or "I promise I'll grab a newspaper for you." Simple, little promises that in all probability won't destroy the world of the person you make them to. And, oddly, probably more likely to be followed through with. Why is it that the big promises, the truly important ones are the ones that get broken. Think to yourself and ask, "Which promises have I made?" Then, for follow-up, ask yourself, "Which promises have I broken?" Do you find yourself in debt by your own words?
I am sorry to say this, but I do. I can think of too many instances that I've let someone down. I guess one good thing about it is that I find that these times haunt me. Maybe it will make me be a better person.
Misdeed.
Seen any lately? Are you looking for them? Are you NOT looking for them? Do you avoid seeing them so that you don't have to act? Are you simply avoiding them or are you in denial? Is it easier in your mind to not notice or to un-see these things? Are you not seeing the bullies of the world because they are targeting someone else and you're just glad it isn't you?
Committed any lately? Have you, as the song says, "Done somebody wrong?"
Don't get wound up. I'm not saying you set out to hurt someone intentionally. But have you committed a sin of silence? Have you not said something that could have helped another? Have you done everything you can to lighten the load of another? Have you witnessed someone else struggling and turned away?
How we act, how we treat others without an audience, shows more about the type of person we are regardless of our beliefs. Or rather, about our supposed beliefs. Regardless of which, if any, church you belong to or whatever higher power in which you believe, maybe you should take a look at your life, at your self, at how you really treat people in spite of whether it will benefit you or not.
Please, take a minute and create an opportunity for yourself to grow.
I try to do just this every day.
I said I try, I did not say I succeed.
But I try.
Love? Promises? Some form of misdeed?
Which side have you found yourself on - the unrequited or the non-requiter? Do you love someone that doesn't love you back? Are there promises that you have made that you failed to follow through with? What foul occurrence or wrong have you witnessed that you did nothing to repair?
Love is easy. Or rather, shared love is easy. When love is shared then two people will do anything for each other. Two people in love can overcome all obstacles. You give to each other, you share with each other and you protect and defend each other. You make life easier for each other. You comfort each other.
Unrequited love is not so easy. You do little things for the other person and if they recognize it, you might get thanked. They mean the thanks, but it isn't the same as if they love you in return. As a matter of fact, if they do recognize it, they are probably more than a little uncomfortable about it. They will minimize it to prevent acknowledging or encouraging behavior they will not or cannot return. Your defense is that you also openly minimize it to hide the pain you feel. Privately, you hurt very deeply.
Promises are easily given and too often defaulted on. "I promise that I'll bring you lunch" or "I promise I'll grab a newspaper for you." Simple, little promises that in all probability won't destroy the world of the person you make them to. And, oddly, probably more likely to be followed through with. Why is it that the big promises, the truly important ones are the ones that get broken. Think to yourself and ask, "Which promises have I made?" Then, for follow-up, ask yourself, "Which promises have I broken?" Do you find yourself in debt by your own words?
I am sorry to say this, but I do. I can think of too many instances that I've let someone down. I guess one good thing about it is that I find that these times haunt me. Maybe it will make me be a better person.
Misdeed.
Seen any lately? Are you looking for them? Are you NOT looking for them? Do you avoid seeing them so that you don't have to act? Are you simply avoiding them or are you in denial? Is it easier in your mind to not notice or to un-see these things? Are you not seeing the bullies of the world because they are targeting someone else and you're just glad it isn't you?
Committed any lately? Have you, as the song says, "Done somebody wrong?"
Don't get wound up. I'm not saying you set out to hurt someone intentionally. But have you committed a sin of silence? Have you not said something that could have helped another? Have you done everything you can to lighten the load of another? Have you witnessed someone else struggling and turned away?
How we act, how we treat others without an audience, shows more about the type of person we are regardless of our beliefs. Or rather, about our supposed beliefs. Regardless of which, if any, church you belong to or whatever higher power in which you believe, maybe you should take a look at your life, at your self, at how you really treat people in spite of whether it will benefit you or not.
Please, take a minute and create an opportunity for yourself to grow.
I try to do just this every day.
I said I try, I did not say I succeed.
But I try.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
I was taken to see the movie "Act Of Valor" last night and I have to say that it was everything that I had heard it was. If you know me, or even if you don't, you know I hold a deep abiding respect for those who serve in our armed forces and our criminal justice community. As a rule, most people I know who serve in these two communities share both the value of ethics (Ethics: Knowing what is right and acting accordingly) and exhibit the strength of valor (Valor: Courage in the face of danger.)
As with any group, you will always find some individuals that fall short of these values, mostly without extreme loss or cost, at least as far as life or money is concerned. Unfortunately, these same people don't realize the cost relative to the people in whichever group they are associated with as well as the cost to their own reputation.
Recently, I've been fighting a lot of battles in my own little corner of the world, both professional and personal. Both of these have had their own cost. I haven't totaled these yet.
I'm not sure that I care to.
One of the things that hit me while watching the movie was the teamwork and dedication to each other that the members of the teams demonstrated. And then it hit me hard how much has been lost due to the actions of some of my coworkers and their lack of teamwork. This is the cost I am going discuss today.
I draw portions of the following from a quote of Chief Tecumseh. These words were used to great effect in the movie. I hope these words, along with my own, express some of what I have been feeling:
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
While we aren't faced with death at my office, we do face respect. Or rather, lately, lack of respect. I have been totally amazed at the way some people have chosen to act. And saddened at how these people have chosen to treat others. I'm not as concerned about how they treat me - I'm concerned with how they have treated each other. The backstabbing and plotting; the gossiping and pettiness.
I am truly ashamed at how some of the people that work for me have acted. Some, only for a short period but others for years. Experts say that if you do something every day for 30 days it becomes a habit. I guess if you do it for years you have either perfected this as a habit or it is your personality.
What I don't understand is why someone would choose to treat anybody that way. Are you that insecure that you have to tear someone else down to elevate your own status? Are you three years old? Why is it that you have to declare "That's not fair!" if it is something you don't like. This same person feels the victim in every aspect of their life but can't wait to throw anybody else under the bus at first chance.
Another person won't talk to me because they feel "uncomfortable" talking to me. They would rather jump the chain of command and complain rather than use an open discussion to resolve an issue. This same person, however, will excuse not performing a task by simply saying "I don't think why we should do that". Never mind that it was a task that was given to them by their supervisor. I don't understand how you can simply just dismiss a request by a supervisor. Another excuse is "I don't do that very often and I don't want to do it wrong so I don't think I should have to do that." Really?
One more example. The "friend" likes to buddy up to you, then will go behind your back to others and make up their version of conversations they had with you. This same person, since they are a neighbor of someone in management, will take advantage of time spent outside of the office to discuss their work-related complaints while coloring their version to place the emphasis on how they are the victim. Many times I have had to meet with management to justify my actions or decisions. To date, I have been in the right with every one of them. To date, this person is still more likely to go behind your back to get what they want. Happy to smile to your face, just as happy to stab you in the back on a daily basis.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.
I hate to say it, but I have been guilty of this as of late. Mostly, and still not all right, because of the anger I was feeling at some of the actions of these people. I tend to turn inside myself at times like this. Mostly for the protection of others.
My behavior wasn't right and the only good thing I can say is that it didn't last long. There is a requirement that while we don't have to be best friends, we do have to work together. Show each other respect.
Don't grovel. We owe it to each other to display the respect we deserve. We deserve to get this respect.
When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.
Sadly, these three individuals have abused every relationship with their fellow employees. Not just the ones they feel in contention with, but also with each other. I hope they realize that the trust they have given each other is a false trust and has no depth. I wonder if they know that each of them will as likely turn on each other as they did on the rest of the staff and me.
Similar to the girl that steals another's husband - if he will cheat on her with you, he will cheat on you with someone else. Who are you going to target when the people you have targeted stop putting up with your actions?
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home."
Each day we should live our lives beyond reproach. Each and every one of us should be honest, selfless, and humble. These values aren't counter to confidence or self-worth. Rather, these values enhance oneself. If you want to look at it in a business sense, think of it as customer service. Providing good customer service does not include compromising your values.
Be the hero. Your actions should display distinguished valor and ethics. You should demonstrate noble qualities with how you treat everybody.
How you treat people will be obvious, if not to you, to everybody with whom you interact. What you say and do, how you act, will determine your value to others.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Aren't you glad?
I love technology and I thrive with the wonderful and various ways we can communicate in our world. Years ago when I was dispatching at a local police department, if an officer requested a vehicle registration request, we would write the plate number down, pull out "The Book" - a wide-carriage printout of all the vehicles in the state. One book for cars and one book for motorcycles and pick-up trucks. Then, we'd look up the plate (numerical order) and highlight it, take "The Book" to the radio and give the officer his information.
Sometimes, this would take a few minutes, sometimes not as many. Now, most officers have a laptop or other wireless device and gets the information almost immediately, but certainly in just a few seconds. Most officers don't remember a time when the data wasn't computerized. (With that comment I am dating myself, but you still have to count the years yourself...)
Personal communications is something else and right in line with this. Cell phones were once the size of a large brick (and called thus) and now are about the size of a playing card, and not a whole lot thicker! We went from "hearing" about computers to having ONE in the house, to having one per person in the house, sometimes more. Even our youngest children seem to have a need for the own computer and cell phone. And now we arrive at the point of this story.
Last night, I'd gone to some strange kid's soccer game and got home about quarter to eight. I had stopped and bought a fast-food burrito on the way home and ate it while trying to go through some email. (and Twitter, and Facebook, and, well, you get the idea.) I'd been home about 90 minutes and noticed I had missed some text messages on my phone. Three from "Chase". They read as follows:
801*******: Hi there
801*******: Are you there? It's me Chase
801*******: You alive?
Not having a clue who Chase was, but figuring I'd try to at least find out if I was missing something, I sent my reply:
Me: I'm here. But I think you have the wrong #
And then the magic started. The magic of instant communication plus accessibility and multiplied by confusion.
801******: No, I was just at your house.
Me: Well, I've been home alone tonight. What is the name of the person you are trying to talk to?
801*******: Chase. I told you Chase
801*******: Why are you home alone?
Me: Because nobody else is here. I still think you have the wrong #
801*******: No it was my drother
801*******: brother
Me: What is my name?
801*******: It's okay if you don't want to chatting
Me: I'm not against chatting, but I think you are looking for someone else. What is the name of the person you think I am.
801*******: What's your name?
Me: What do YOU think it is?
801*******: Yes
At this point, I could see that communication while present, wasn't firing on all eight cylinders. I took a picture of myself, just a face shot, nothing major but something so "Chase" could see who he was talking to. I added the text "Does this look like the person you think you are talking to?"
My new found friend's response was:
801*******: I have to go to bed now. I am only 11.
Maybe I should have been clued in by the context and spelling of the texts, but most people do that in text messages.
Also, I'm not sure what it says about me, but someone then asked me if I was glad I didn't send him a picture of my penis. Okay, NOT that I am in the habit of sending out pictures of my penis, but it kind of makes me wonder why THAT question came up...
Sometimes, this would take a few minutes, sometimes not as many. Now, most officers have a laptop or other wireless device and gets the information almost immediately, but certainly in just a few seconds. Most officers don't remember a time when the data wasn't computerized. (With that comment I am dating myself, but you still have to count the years yourself...)
Personal communications is something else and right in line with this. Cell phones were once the size of a large brick (and called thus) and now are about the size of a playing card, and not a whole lot thicker! We went from "hearing" about computers to having ONE in the house, to having one per person in the house, sometimes more. Even our youngest children seem to have a need for the own computer and cell phone. And now we arrive at the point of this story.
Last night, I'd gone to some strange kid's soccer game and got home about quarter to eight. I had stopped and bought a fast-food burrito on the way home and ate it while trying to go through some email. (and Twitter, and Facebook, and, well, you get the idea.) I'd been home about 90 minutes and noticed I had missed some text messages on my phone. Three from "Chase". They read as follows:
801*******: Hi there
801*******: Are you there? It's me Chase
801*******: You alive?
Not having a clue who Chase was, but figuring I'd try to at least find out if I was missing something, I sent my reply:
Me: I'm here. But I think you have the wrong #
And then the magic started. The magic of instant communication plus accessibility and multiplied by confusion.
801******: No, I was just at your house.
Me: Well, I've been home alone tonight. What is the name of the person you are trying to talk to?
801*******: Chase. I told you Chase
801*******: Why are you home alone?
Me: Because nobody else is here. I still think you have the wrong #
801*******: No it was my drother
801*******: brother
Me: What is my name?
801*******: It's okay if you don't want to chatting
Me: I'm not against chatting, but I think you are looking for someone else. What is the name of the person you think I am.
801*******: What's your name?
Me: What do YOU think it is?
801*******: Yes
At this point, I could see that communication while present, wasn't firing on all eight cylinders. I took a picture of myself, just a face shot, nothing major but something so "Chase" could see who he was talking to. I added the text "Does this look like the person you think you are talking to?"
My new found friend's response was:
801*******: I have to go to bed now. I am only 11.
Maybe I should have been clued in by the context and spelling of the texts, but most people do that in text messages.
Also, I'm not sure what it says about me, but someone then asked me if I was glad I didn't send him a picture of my penis. Okay, NOT that I am in the habit of sending out pictures of my penis, but it kind of makes me wonder why THAT question came up...
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Friends, networking, and helping
Every once in a while, I will I will post on Twitter or Facebook something about "It's all about networking". I have truly been blessed to reach out and find old friends, family and new friends. Some of these people I see weekly, some I haven't seen for years and decades, and others I have never met. I am so grateful for these friends.
Some of the postings are funny, some are sad, some are angry and some are cries for help. The networking is a good thing; you can get and give suggestions for places to eat, services needed, or even make connections to run races together, go shopping or ride motorcycles. We can share pictures and videos, jokes and concerts.
Sometimes the jokes don't make sense, at least not to me, and sometimes an opinion gets shared that you don't agree with, or someone doesn't agree with yours. It's all good - it's LIFE!
Sometimes the mean people or haters come out. Most often the haters are people that have a voice simply because they have a venue to use. They validate their opinions and denigrate yours they same way they would control an in person conversation - they "shout" (all caps) and they repeat their words to overwhelm you with their own logic. The worst ones that I've dealt with are the ones demanding some kind of tolerance for their particular "whatever" but refuse to to allow you your own opinion.
Really? I have to accept and even approve of your ideal but you get to sit there and tell me mine is just wrong?
Every once in a while, I have been lucky to converse with someone who decides to be brave enough to share something personal with me. Sometimes funny, sometimes angry and sometimes pain. A handful of days ago I was blessed to be able to talk with someone about some pain they were holding. I hope I helped. I hope that I was able to provide some sort of relief and comfort.
I know I would like to thank them for trusting me enough to share something personal.
I'm not going to user her name, suffice to say they she falls into the category of "known her for decades, haven't talked for years". I can say that I've got some kindred feelings with her. She'd been hurt by someone in her family previously and was the unfortunate recipient of continued pain from the mistreatment by this person. I went through the same thing, but I've already written about that in another blog. Read it there if you want, I'd prefer that the focus here is on my friend.
She reached out one night with a post on Facebook. I misunderstood what she posted initially, I blame it on being tired, could be I'm a little slow. We posted comments for a few minutes then went private to have a more personal conversation. As she spoke about what was really going on, I offered what small comfort I could, commiserated with her, and was just there for her. Well, electronically there for her.
I'd like to think that she got something more out of it than just typing late one night. And if you're reading this now, know that I still offer an ear, a shoulder, or even just yell at me to vent.
I'd also like to ask anybody that DOES read this to please watch, please be aware that sometimes what people post on Facebook and Twitter is an attempt to say that they are hurting. Maybe they are just lonely, maybe they are just dealing with a moment of stress. Maybe, as with the other night, they are venting to release some pain.
I firmly believe that we are charged with serving one another, helping as we can, and offering what we are able to. We volunteer for things that are important to us. Please, when you find yourself in a position to offer, volunteer to help a friend.
And, to my friend, I care. I hope you are finding a way to heal. I hope I helped.
Some of the postings are funny, some are sad, some are angry and some are cries for help. The networking is a good thing; you can get and give suggestions for places to eat, services needed, or even make connections to run races together, go shopping or ride motorcycles. We can share pictures and videos, jokes and concerts.
Sometimes the jokes don't make sense, at least not to me, and sometimes an opinion gets shared that you don't agree with, or someone doesn't agree with yours. It's all good - it's LIFE!
Sometimes the mean people or haters come out. Most often the haters are people that have a voice simply because they have a venue to use. They validate their opinions and denigrate yours they same way they would control an in person conversation - they "shout" (all caps) and they repeat their words to overwhelm you with their own logic. The worst ones that I've dealt with are the ones demanding some kind of tolerance for their particular "whatever" but refuse to to allow you your own opinion.
Really? I have to accept and even approve of your ideal but you get to sit there and tell me mine is just wrong?
Every once in a while, I have been lucky to converse with someone who decides to be brave enough to share something personal with me. Sometimes funny, sometimes angry and sometimes pain. A handful of days ago I was blessed to be able to talk with someone about some pain they were holding. I hope I helped. I hope that I was able to provide some sort of relief and comfort.
I know I would like to thank them for trusting me enough to share something personal.
I'm not going to user her name, suffice to say they she falls into the category of "known her for decades, haven't talked for years". I can say that I've got some kindred feelings with her. She'd been hurt by someone in her family previously and was the unfortunate recipient of continued pain from the mistreatment by this person. I went through the same thing, but I've already written about that in another blog. Read it there if you want, I'd prefer that the focus here is on my friend.
She reached out one night with a post on Facebook. I misunderstood what she posted initially, I blame it on being tired, could be I'm a little slow. We posted comments for a few minutes then went private to have a more personal conversation. As she spoke about what was really going on, I offered what small comfort I could, commiserated with her, and was just there for her. Well, electronically there for her.
I'd like to think that she got something more out of it than just typing late one night. And if you're reading this now, know that I still offer an ear, a shoulder, or even just yell at me to vent.
I'd also like to ask anybody that DOES read this to please watch, please be aware that sometimes what people post on Facebook and Twitter is an attempt to say that they are hurting. Maybe they are just lonely, maybe they are just dealing with a moment of stress. Maybe, as with the other night, they are venting to release some pain.
I firmly believe that we are charged with serving one another, helping as we can, and offering what we are able to. We volunteer for things that are important to us. Please, when you find yourself in a position to offer, volunteer to help a friend.
And, to my friend, I care. I hope you are finding a way to heal. I hope I helped.
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